Got a date? I DO!

Tuesday October 16, 2007


Okay, Ya know what...I got a date. No goofy not that kind of date, I'm married. I got a date for my Surgery! Yaaaayyyy! No more waiting and no more wondering! I have a date and things are mooooving forward. Yay Yay Yay!

The dates are, drum roll please...........Consult on the 31st(Yes, that would be Halloween :( )
and surgery on Nov. 2nd.

K, now how often when we are given dates for things do they ever work out to be the best possible choices, Never! So with that thought in mind I was going to be open minded about it. After all can you really argue over the perfectness of the dates for a very serious and possibly life preserving surgery? Ha, the answer would be yes. Why, because we are human and we like things to be a certain way. But even you ya say, even after all this. And of course the answer is still yes. Why, same reason...because I am still human. Although cancer can have a tendency to make you feel subhuman at times. you really aren't , you will always be human no mater what! Having cancer also didn't make me become a super perfect human being like some may suspect it would. I am still just me. I do look at a lot of things differently now, not really differently. I have always been an open, honest, caring, hard working, giving, generous and loving person all of my life. I just look at things differently and my priorities, it is like I have a different feeling about them. I mean they really can't change that much...my priorities have always been good ones: God, My family, husband, children, pets and my home. I just look at achieving them differently I guess. My time has become more precious to me: seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and almost feel more of a sense of urgency about some things and a sense of unimportance on other things that I probably would have used to have spent more time on or atleast been stressed out about more. I suppose being in Chicago on Halloween won't be sooo bad. It could be worse, like later. It could have been on Thanksgiving or over Christmas! I can think of much worse than having to be gone on Halloween, like having to be gone forever never having had the surgery in time!!! Now see that's when I am sold on whatever date is the quickest!!! Now, that's something ya really can't argue with! I can see it, I know this answer you just don't always feel it! That's what I meant in the other blog about sometimes your feelings inside are just different. That's a good example of what I meant!

Anyway,
Time to notify everyone about the surgery dates. I know everyone will be excited like me about finally having dates set! I think I will rest a bit better with having this information!

Lately I have been a bit more stressed than usual. Not really sure why. Have been trying to think on it and look into it but I am not coming up with any answers. If I say anything to anyone else about times like this people have a tendency to say things lie "of course you are, you have a lot on your plate. You're a mom and you have to deal with this Cancer, I don't know how you're doing it. I don't think I could do it and especially wouldn't be able to be as positive and brave about it as you have been."

Then I could just answer by "nodding my head and saying, "well, it is just what I have to do, I don't have any other choice really".


So see I just basically had the conversation all by myself with most of my friends. Oh especially if I tell myself "Things will get better I am sure, it's okay".

Okay, now back to what I was saying...I don't know why I am , when I figure it out I'm sure you will be the next to know after me!


My usual stressors:

Having a lot of tasks to do at once (being in the weeds
), being sick, Finances, Security, plans not working out
after diagnosis stressors:
Is the cancer going to spread, will something happen to me before I get this tumor out of me, Am I going to be around to see all of my children grow up and go off to college. Will I see them marry and have grand-children first too, or is that being selfish of me and asking for too much for myself?, will my family make it alright without me and be on the same path they were on before anything happened to me, will I affect their life too much in a negative way.


okay, wanted to jot them down, so when I do figure it out I can look back and see if I already knew the answer all along! Ugh, right now I feel like crying. The after diagnosis stressors list got to me. Possibly one of those things then. Ha, maybe we are halfway finished with figuring out the what is going on with me lately issues!